fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
