I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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