So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
