i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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