Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
