Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
