I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
