it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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