I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
