Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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