I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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