I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
