i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
