I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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