ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All the doctor said was why
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
