I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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