woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
