i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
