What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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