he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
