miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
