I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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