we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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