you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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