Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
