Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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