Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
