Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He passed out mid-signature
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
