I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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