I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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