That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
