My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
