Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
