my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
