She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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