I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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