I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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