Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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