this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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