She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
