He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
