i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
