He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
