i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
