I accidentally had phone sex last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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