I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
