just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
