Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
