Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize