so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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